Texts as a form of communication sound like a great idea. Scratch that, they are a great idea. Revolutionary even. Yet the most humble SMS harbours a most evil of sides.

Introduced in the early nineties they were a great alternative to calling, which at the time cost an arm and a leg to make.

They were fast and convenient originally limiting you to 140 characters. It was concise and beautiful and most likely was where the idea behind Twitter came from.

They became such a powerful social tool for humanity that it’s spawned a whole new language called Textese. Maybe one of the most annoying languages in the world. It’s literally polluted every aspect of language.

But Textese isn’t what makes texts evil. What makes them inherently evil is the thing that made them so great in the first place. Their brevity.

The problem with having a text conversation is that something so brief and easy to send means they can be totally misconstrued. I’m sure the amount of relationships that have been destroyed by SMS’s is up there in the millions.

But having said that, they now form an integral part of our lives. And they can be fun. But most definitely in an evil way.

Since the ban on smoking indoors in public spaces the naughty ones have been forced outside into cattle pens they call the smoking area. But looking at it now, it’s interesting to see what this has meant for smokes and non smokers.

Working in clubs both before and after the ban there has been a clear difference. The government wanted to ostensibly stop the affect of second hand smoke on those innocent lambs who decided to destroy their livers instead of their lungs.

They thought that by ostracising the smokers by banishing them outside would cut don the amount of smokers and make people smoke less.

If anything, I’ve seen an increase of smokers as the people who don’t smoke accompany their smoking friends and gradually over time take up the themselves. It’s what happened to me.

Add to this the fact that now a new social culture has grown around the smoking area. In a club it’s certainly the easiest place to pick up members of the opposite sex. It’s quiet and you have the ultimate chat up line at your disposal. Got a light?

So instead of ostracising the smokers, the smokers have ostracised the non-smokers by creating their own little exclusive VIP area where entry is a cigarette. Well done government.

So today I got handed the keys to my first ever rented flat. An era of sofa surfing has come to an end and a new one is being ushered in.

It brings with it exciting new prospects and a certain freedom that many people take for granted. For there is a downside to sofa surfing that is overlooked.

Despite the sense of freedom and adventure, there is always that uncertainty of where you’ll lay your head for the night. Life becomes the ultimate blag as you traverse friends sofas or manage to blag a house sitting situation. Everything is exciting whether it be the massive highs or the unwieldy lows.

Having said that, having a place brings a massive burden of responsibility. There are bills to be paid and the ultimate consumer of wage; rent. And that’s all very grown up. To a certain extent, it robs you of your freedom to go anywhere and do anything.

And being a man, we all know how much we fear responsibility. Whether in the form of relationships or bills.

Although it’s probably safe to say that the pros outweigh the cons. Bring on the new era of responsibility and stable living!

Following on from yesterday’s topic of vanity I thought today would be a good day to talk about preening. Usually associated with what we think of as the animal world it’s a wonderful part of social interaction.

Preeening involves:

b. To trim or clean (fur) with the tongue, as cats do.

2. To dress or groom (oneself) with elaborate care; primp.

3. To take pride or satisfaction in (oneself); gloat.

2. To swell with pride; gloat or exult. 
Normally associated with animals in the human world we do this by getting ready for a night out. Doing our hair and putting on respective war paints and tribal clothing.

Yet what happens when we’re fully dolled up and ready to roll. We have preened and in my friend group we use the world to describe what happens next.

You know that moment when you walk down the street with your mates and you’re having a good hair day. You feel, no, know that you look good and your sex is on fire (did I just say that?).

You see members of the opposite sex strutting down the street in the same fashion. They feel good and have confidence and own the pavement around them. It’s like mean girls in real life. That ‘blue steel’ expression fastens on their faces as they go into catwalk mode.

No one will look at each other yet they’ll all walk a little taller. They’ve already perved from afar and now as they pass it happens with the gracefulness of swan. Preening rocks.

Vanity is one of those ingrained things that all human beings must possess. One of the 7 deadly sins, it is the excessive admiration of ones own appearance or achievements. But is it something that we can avoid?

Of course there are varying levels of vanity. At it’s worse it means not being able to leave the house without looking at yourself for a good hour. I have a friend who shall remain nameless who cannot leave the house without looking at himself in the mirror for at least half an hour.

He’ll turn to me and ask “what do you think, button done up, or not done up?” My usual answer now is, “I don’t care, could we please just go.” If only it were that simple.

But it’s not always as bad or as obvious as that. Who hasn’t walked out of the house and checked themselves out in the reflection of a car at some point or the other. Out of curiosity no doubt but definitely spliced with a small degree of vanity.

Gross vanity is grossly unattractive. Anyone sitting opposite a date who has a mirror behind you to look at themselves in will appreciate that. It means there is some deep down insecurity that they need constant self reassurance.

Vanity is wholey natural and I think it would be wrong to fight or suppress it totally. As long as it doesn’t end up ruling your life and taking hours out of your day looking in the mirror then have the occasional look at yourself in the reflection of a car.

If you ever frequent the heart of London then you’ll be used to seeing open bus tours. The Original Bus Company among others take the tourists round the sites. Though last night I took a bus tour with a twist. The Corona Bus Tour.

The Corona Bus is a bright yellow bus covered in Corona livery. On it you can get as much Corona as you like and take in the sites round London.

They have a pretty impressive sound system on board which makes it a truly impressive party vehicle. They played dance music and we obviously danced.

Yet there are some concerning problems with getting drunk on a moving vehicle. It was the first time I’ve ever appreciated traffic lights as they provided a lull in the rocking motion with didn’t combine well with the copious amount of alcohol consumed.

If you’re ever invited aboard or want a special party then I’d definitely recommend it. There’s something about partying on a us with loud music and loads of beers under the stars that has a certain ring about it. At worst, it’s a different night out from the norm. At best, it’s a crazy ride. All hail Corona!

Increasingly with the perceived rise in crime the rich are turning to private security. But are the companies they turn to doing anything more than a glorified burglar alarm or are they merely fleecing the rich and capitalising on the threat of crime.

The papers are always filled with stories about crime. And we’re completely obsessed with reading about crime. Rape, murder and being stabbed could happen to anyone in our society of fear.

To counter this, private security firms have offered to patrol affluent area in exchange for cash, taking thousands to protect the people and their properties.

They drive around in cars done up to look like police cars and often have guard dogs. They drive around in the dead of night supposedly providing a deterant to criminals.

Though in reality they can’t do anything. It’s all for show. The dogs which bark fiercely are restrained and if they were to savage someone the security firms would be sued. And they wouldn’t like that much. The private security industry is worth an estimated 4.3 Billion in the UK alone.

They basically provide the same role as a good Samaritan as all they are told to do is call the police if they see anything happening. And we all know how long it takes for them to respond. So unless you have a few extra grand to splash there isn’t much point to the private security firms.

It seems that not a week goes by that I don’t receive an invitation to a masquerade ball. Or more normally just a themed night at a club. Last night was the first one I was actually excited to go to. The Last Tuesday Society put on a masquerade ball at the V&A t celebrate the opening of a new gallery. I normally would never go as by the very nature of them, they are always doomed to failure.

This is for a number of reasons. Namely that there is a massive air of expectation that we all have and as has been previously written about here, always sets a night up for a fall. When people go to these balls they want to live the dream of Eyes Wide Shut or the party in Gossip Girl. But in reality you never, ever, get that.

You arrive at one of these things in masks or whatever and the immediate thing that you notice is that most of the attendees aren’t wearing masks. Even the best of parties see a mediocre percentage of people in masks. And that kind of spoils it for everyone. It’s not really a masked party if people aren’t in masks.

Another annoying thing about it, especially last night at the V&A was the amount of people taking photos. It felt more like being on the set of a shoot than at a party and the people who had got into were permanently harassed by people with cameras.

So what was last night like overall? Surely great party people dressed to the hilt would bring about a masked renaissance. Well, no. To put it simply. It suffered the same problems as all the other masked balls despite being set in the beautiful Victoria and Albert Museum. Plus there were only 2 bars for about 2000 people so you had to queue to get drunk. It comes down to the fact that masked balls are balls.

Around London, if you look pretty carefully you’ll notice disused stations here and there. They are normally unmistakeable with their red tiles and some even retain their station names. There are 28 permanently closed stations in London and other ones that are also closed.

The reasons for the closures are pretty varied, some were severed when the lines were redirected and other were closed as they weren’t used enough.

The most famous of the disused stations is Aldwych tube station. Famous because it’s used for filming television and movies. Quite a few films have been filmed in the station including:

Battle of Britain (1969)
Death Line (1972) – standing in for the interior of Russell Square tube station (exteriors used the real station).
Ghost Story (1974)
The Kinks video clip “Do It Again” (1985)
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1986)
The Krays (1990)
Patriot Games (1992)
The Line, the Cross and the Curve (1993)
Honest (2000)
Dead Gorgeous (2002)
Most Haunted (2002)
Creep (2004)
Spy (2004)
V for Vendetta (2006) – the name ‘Strand’ is clearly visible at several points in the film, although in non-original signage added by the film-makers.
The Good Shepherd (2006)
Primeval (TV series) (2007)
Atonement (2007)
Rise of the footsoldier (2007)
The Bank Job (2008)
Most Haunted Live: Total Darkness (2008)
Spooks (2008)

The platform was also used during the Blitz to store precious artifacts. There’s something about the idea of a disused station that’s pretty cool. It would be awesome to use one for something these days. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

It seems that every rapper at one point sings about having hotel parties. But it’s an experience that most people only have when they’re on holiday. Why don’t we do it more.

Hotel parties are great for a number of reasons. Namely the fact that you don’t have to do any washing up or even better cleaning the day after.

The fact that anything within reason can be done without consequences means that people lose their inhibitions much faster.

Last night a group of us ended up back at Blakes. Within seconds of arrival music blared from laptop speakers and room service had been called to bring us a load of booze to be left outside the door.

Someone wetted a towel and aimed to break champagne glasses by cracking the whip so to speak. Others stumbled and swayed. Everyone had a good time.

The thing is, you can get a hotel room on last minute for hardly anything, especially if it’s split between a load of people. Bring on the parties.